I’m in love. I’m in love with someone new. It scares the hell out of me, it excites me, and it warms me in every way. I didn’t consider when I’d fall for someone new after being with my ex-boyfriend for almost 4 years. I didn’t even consider that I would be able to move on because I knew I had a lot of stuff I had to work on for me and my baby girl. I knew I wanted to date and go out, because I haven’t had much of a social life since I became pregnant years ago. I don’t doubt how I feel. Unfortunately, this makes me realize how much time I’ve wasted in a relationship that really had no meaning to me. I won’t ever make that mistake again even if it is for the sake of a child.
My last blog topic was about me becoming single and feeling happy to be my own person. I’m in a relationship now. But I don’t feel different as if I have to give up anything or be someone else. I’m encouraged to do more, do better, and be/show love. There are many mistakes I made previously that has given me the guidance I need to not continue in that path. And now it doesn’t just come down to me, but also Alaina. We are a packaged deal, and he loves it!
I do have my new man involved with my daughter but it is limited. They have met and played together a few times. I only felt it was okay because my daughter’s father had already introduced his girlfriend to her. It wasn’t cool with me and I was angry because I was unaware, but I can’t control everything he does. I can only be concerned if her life were in danger. My man is predominantly spending time with me when Alaina is with her father. We are still a new couple, freshly dating. I want to make sure this goes the right way with him and I before it gets way deeper with my child. I can tell he already has an attachment to her emotionally, and being that he doesn’t have children…it kind of sexy.
It really isn’t easy for me to publicize this because for the last few years, all I have know or been around besides my own family is my ex-boyfriend’s family and his friends. Granted, me and him do not always get along or see eye-to-eye on things. But he gave me Alaina, and he is always going to be my family and his family will always be my family. I will not pretend or fake my words or emotions on my blog. I already sugarcoat many things just to avoid drama or too much information being out. It feels beautiful to love my man. It feels amazing to love this gorgeous and intelligent child. And I do feel pretty damn lucky to have a great father involved with co-parenting our daughter.
What are your goals? I have some that might make you crack up or think I’m pathetic. I want to get my permit (Yes, I said permit. Yes, I am 28. LOL). I want to find a job that doesn’t cause me to have an over abundance of anxiety. I want to do more blogging. I want to stop smoking. I want to lose a lot of weight, especially before my first cruise in August 2020.
The Kali Mom