Mom-shaming is getting even more petty and ridiculous. I was going to say I hate to match petty with Petty Betty…but I enjoy being Petty Betty…however, it is usually the non-existent, no custody-having parents or people who only have nieces or nephews that have a lot to say. I’ve been shamed for having my daughter potty trained “too soon” and “forcing her to do things she doesn’t want to do”. I really didn’t know that these people came around often to see what is best for her or what her preferences were. We would never put our child in harm’s way, especially for something like potty-training.
We need to worry about building one another up. I hate that we compare our babies milestones as if it is a competition. Here is a sample of a conversation I had with someone who I wouldn’t even consider much a friend. I’m answering a question I know is going to open the door to my-baby-is-more-advanced-than-yours room.
Me: “Alaina started walking at 15-months-old.”
Other Parent: “Oh wow, well MINE started walking at 10-months-old.” *smiles smugly* “So did you start potty training, yet?”
Me: “Yeah, a while ago. She is fully good to go, she is in panties now.”
Other Parent: *frowns* “Oh. Nice”
That person wasn’t excited nor happy that my daughter has gotten to this milestone. She was disappointed when I asked her how her baby was doing and she said she is waiting until they were 3-years-old to start. I personally didn’t care, I just thought okay so why is my toddler being trained an issue? What did I do to get attitude or rudeness? I don’t even hear my man having these same issues because as a father, people commend him for just being involved.
I always have to remember that my daughter isn’t suppose to be perfect and she isn’t suppose to be in control of her emotions, her actions, and she needs to be herself. I realize that we worry about our kids having a “good” image for other people to think we are “good” parents. We want to make sure they are quiet, listening, and not touching everything and anything. But how else will they learn? How can they be kids? We worry about kids growing up too fast but we are helping them become that way. Don’t get me wrong, we need to maintain some kind of discipline but I know I just can be extra. Potty training and some other things made me realize this.
We all make mistakes as parents. The lack of willingness to help and the more shaming and criticism that is expressed, creates a hostile environment for shamed-parents to really seek help or advice when they need to. I don’t offer advice unless someone asks me for it. I don’t shame someone for when their child is or isn’t doing the same thing my child is or isn’t doing, because I don’t know if it is even encouraged or not for the child to know that is the norm. The only toddler I am invested in is my own and that’s all I know about. I hope every parent is parenting the best to their knowledge and ability.
My daughter is 2-years-old and she is potty trained. I’m happy that we don’t need to purchase Easy-Ups. I’m happy that she is growing up to be more independent in where she can go about her business with using the bathroom and run freely. I am grateful that I don’t need to bring a huge diaper bag of items with me. I just feel so proud of my daughter for growing and learning so well and being such a wonderful toddler. It surprises me how great we are with parenting at times. It really helps to have a good support system of family. Pinterest is also pretty awesome lol.
I think my man had the worse part of the potty training sessions. He told me that she was on the regular toilet [we have a potty training toilet for her] and got down off of it in the middle of pooping. She not only brought it to the floor, she finished on the bathroom rug and in tracked some into the hallway. I was dying because I wasn’t there to deal with it. But when I go home hours later, the bathroom still smelled like what was described. And he told me he scrubbed every inch of the room, too.
Just a few weeks ago, we were at a friend’s house when I noticed Alaina acting strange. I realized she had to pee and I was getting her to the bathroom thinking we just made it…wrong! As soon as I pulled her pants and panties down, she started to pee on herself and me. We were inches away from the toilet. I felt embarrassed at first telling my friend her bathroom rug and my baby’s clothes needed washing but her being just an obviously smart individual knew that these things happened.
Have you ever mom/dad-shamed? Have you judged someone’s child because of something your child has accomplished sooner than that person’s child? Is your child potty-trained? How did you feel about the whole process?