I have always been scared to say that, that I am medicated. I feel different, I feel somewhat free. I am taking Abilify. I’m still also on my Levothyroxine for my Hypothyroidism. I’m feeling like I can think straight and that I have some control over myself. My dreams, on the other hand, are killing me at night and I cannot get the rest I really need. But honestly, Fortnite helps me. It may be an addiction. I really have no idea.
I started playing around May 2018, the last time I was unemployed. Once I got hired at the answering service, I played a few times and then again on occasion throughout the rest of 2018. Now that I have been unemployed, I’ve been playing everyday. It is such a relief for me. It is frustrating at times (because I suck) but it is so fun. I’ve made over a dozen online friends and I’ve felt happier throughout the day from just playing around with randoms.
I’m not at all great at the game. I’ve literally watched hours and hours of stream. Usually, I watch Nick Eh 30 or Sancho West streams on YouTube and Twitc. Something about their streams just feels like I am in a movie or a book that takes me out of my element. I only recently started to really enjoy playing the game. But watching the streams is another form of medication for me besides my new oil diffuser. I love Fortnite.
Cross off PUBG and type in Apex Legends, lol.
Not everyone has similar tastes in therapy or relief. I know many adults and kids that just play to have fun or because it is cool. That is what I thought at least. After playing for a few hours in the morning, I feel good and free to go about my day. It is an even better feeling because Craig plays with me, too. Luckily he is better than me and gives me the best advice to help me. Nick Eh 30’s streams give some great advice but when you play on PS4 as opposed to PC, it is different.
I started to ask folks who have PTSD what do they do for a hobby or to take their mind off of things. I feel weird to say Fortnite. I’m almost 30. People shine down on that but I don’t. I feel happy. I know I don’t always feel this way, but this is a start, right? Do you play Fortnite? Do you play a different game that pleases you? Do you have a hobby that takes your mind off stress, anxiety, or any other mentally related situations or problems?
There is a huge stigma around mental illness/health. There is a even bigger stigma to be medicated. I’ve been asked if I’m crazy or feel crazy because of it. At first, I felt dizzy, high, drunk, and any other feelings you get when you’re intoxicated. It scared the crap out of me because I had no clue that it would affect me that way. Now, I take it and it makes me sleepy. But when I do feel “crazy”, it’s because my anxiety is through the roof. That is something I lack control of and causes paranoia. So if you know someone is taking medications for a mental health concern or condition, please don’t ask about their medications and don’t assume we are crazy because I’ll show you crazy. =]
Being medicated doesn’t make me crazy, it doesn’t mean this is my only form of treatment, and it doesn’t mean that I’m okay completely. I’ve been told to use herbal at home remedies and it doesn’t help. It calms and soothes me. It doesn’t help to the extent that I need it.
BUT on a lighter note, I’ve decided to leave Southern New Hampshire University and go to Pennco Tech for Automotive Technology. Yes, a mechanic! Should be starting in June. I will definitely be blogging about that journey.
Please leave some love, follow or add me on my social media or Fortnite.