Why are fathers praised more for doing things they are supposed to do? Why are mothers criticized for needing time away from their kid(s)?
I am guilty of this, too.
I will praise Craig [or any other fathers for that matters] for doing the simplest things because I didn’t have to do it. Sometimes, I am happy he does things for our daughter because he is a guy and guys aren’t looked at for typically doing certain things. Why do I think this way when we both have equality towards parenting our kid? In reality, we aren’t equal. Not even in the slightest.
I can suggest that I need a night out or a night to myself. I can get some comment from a stranger or family member that will say, “You’re a mom, you don’t get time off.” But when he takes a night to play the video game or get out of the house, no comments are made. It is just normal and alright for him to do what he wants because. . . Because. We had to talk about that and we were able to agree that we need to communicate about when one of us feels burnt out. Now, it doesn’t phase us anymore.
As mothers, active mothers, we dealt with pregnancy, labor, delivery, postpartum, and we are still raising our kid(s). That is our job. That is what we are supposed to do. The fathers, active fathers, had sex with us, viewed our pregnancy, labor, delivery, postpartum, and they still raise their kid(s). Don’t get me wrong, fathers have struggles with depression and handling the stress that comes with having a new child. But this isn’t about that.
Women can’t have many or any sexual partners. Women must cook well. Women must clean great. Women must provide sex when their partner wants it. Women have to conform to the men’s world and their rules. People claim women run the world but we have a Supreme Court Justice who may have sexually assaulted 3 women. While Bill Cosby is going to prison for similar actions. [I’m not saying he should be free, I’m using Bill as an example because we need to hold everyone accountable] We aren’t held to a similar standard with men. We are always more likely to be sexually assaulted, mugged, abused, or murdered. This is upsetting, depressing. It is annoying and it is disappointing.
Why if I want to go out for drinks or chill out without having my kid around, am I a bad mother? Why if I decide I don’t want to cook or clean today, am I the bad mother? Why if he finally cleans once during the month, is he praised? [Not about Craig lol] Why if he takes his kid to the doctor or the park, is he being a great father? Why is the mom not praised for trying to grocery shop with her rowdy kids? Why are moms shamed by other moms? Why aren’t fathers criticized for taking their obnoxious kid(s) to the store? Why aren’t fathers shamed by other fathers? Because it is WOMAN/MOTHER issue! I’ve never seen a father shame a father unless the guy is a deadbeat.
The worse ones who are shaming, the most common people are women. Usually, they are other mothers who took on the role of mother and father. Regardless of her relationship status with the father. I think fathers need praise. I think mothers need praise. Regardless if that is our job or not. If you go to work and don’t get employee of the month, will you quit? You might [LOL] but most people would just keep working. They need or want to. It feels great to be recognized for the hard or tiring work you put in. That praise should be spread all around.
We need to encourage mothers and fathers to take a break so they don’t feel burnt out. We need to encourage mothers and fathers to keep up the good work. I’m grateful enough for having an awesome partner who takes as much as responsibility as I do. Some days he slacks off, some days I slack off, and other days we both slack off. Our daughter is always our priority. I want our daughter to know that we are equally there for her no matter what happens. I want her to feel that way as she gets older and has her own family. My own mother was my mother and father. I didn’t learn what a father was like until I met my stepfather. I didn’t realize what fathers really did or went through until Craig became a father.
We all need to be on the same team; Parents.
The Kali Mom