I want another baby.
I know my boyfriend wants another one. We haven’t tried to avoid pregnancy but we haven’t been successful on becoming pregnant.
I know for a fact I didn’t want to conceive while we were struggling with income stability, living under someone else’s roof, and just not feeling [physically/mentally] healthy. I feel like by the time I can get my health in some kind of order, I will be 30 trying to have my second child.
I would like not to be too much older trying to have another newborn and restart these
amazing toddler years over again. I would like to have Alaina be close in age with her sibling. I would love to lower any chances of risks by having a baby before 30 or at least 35.
I was able to conceive Alaina with out really trying to map out any schedule or track cycles. It was a shock because I’ve always [and still do] had irregular periods. At that time, I was 230 lbs and I was very active since I was working at Amazon. Now I am 300+ lbs and any kind of activity is exhausting.
I see women of all shades, shapes, and sizes with no issues having children. I see others with no issues having regular cycles or no complications from their pregnancies.
As a woman, I’m suppose to do this. This is what God made us for, we are suppose to populate the Earth. I feel so useless, so broken that I can’t just do the do a few times and BAM! Prego!
I know that the problems with my body are just a boulder on my stepping stone to completing my family. I’m really trying not to be hard on myself. But when you have dreams and fantasize about being a mother of children and not just of a child…it is saddening. I am so beyond blessed to have Alaina. I am so happy to look at her in the eyes and see myself and see Craig there. I know that if I can or cannot have another one, I would never feel any different about my Alaina. She changed everything for me.