Baby fever

I want another baby.

I know my boyfriend wants another one. We haven’t tried to avoid pregnancy but we haven’t been successful on becoming pregnant.

I know for a fact I didn’t want to conceive while we were struggling with income stability, living under someone else’s roof, and just not feeling [physically/mentally] healthy. I feel like by the time I can get my health in some kind of order, I will be 30 trying to have my second child.

I would like not to be too much older trying to have another newborn and restart these amazing toddler years over again. I would like to have Alaina be close in age with her sibling. I would love to lower any chances of risks by having a baby before 30 or at least 35.

I was able to conceive Alaina with out really trying to map out any schedule or track cycles. It was a shock because I’ve always [and still do] had irregular periods. At that time, I was 230 lbs and I was very active since I was working at Amazon. Now I am 300+ lbs and any kind of activity is exhausting.

I see women of all shades, shapes, and sizes with no issues having children. I see others with no issues having regular cycles or no complications from their pregnancies.

As a woman, I’m suppose to do this. This is what God made us for, we are suppose to populate the Earth. I feel so useless, so broken that I can’t just do the do a few times and BAM! Prego!

I know that the problems with my body are just a boulder on my stepping stone to completing my family. I’m really trying not to be hard on myself. But when you have dreams and fantasize about being a mother of children and not just of a child…it is saddening. I am so beyond blessed to have Alaina. I am so happy to look at her in the eyes and see myself and see Craig there. I know that if I can or cannot have another one, I would never feel any different about my Alaina. She changed everything for me.

I have some questions for my viewers: How did you know you were ready for more children? Did you try often? Did you not try at all? Did you look into other options if you were having difficulties? And especially, did anyone make you feel that having another one too soon or too late was wrong? How did you cope or handle it? I’m only curious!

No matter what, my goal is going to be getting healthy. I want to be sure I can eat right, be active, and not repeat the mistakes I made with my first pregnancy. But I will follow whatever path God has in store for me.

The Kali Mom


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