I Think I Hate College

How did you know what you wanted to do? I am literally giving myself a headache because I just can’t figure out what I’d like to do. I feel lost and I feel stupid. I think I hate college.

Week after week, I am trying to pursue these courses and finish my assignments, but I can’t do it. My other classes were fine, but my first coding/programming class is ridiculous. Everyone [for real, aside for me LOL] has the experience that I am still trying to grasp. I feel like being in college just isn’t for me.

When I consider my life, my future, my career, and my education…I want to set an example for my daughter. I want to prove to myself that I can do something. But how can I prove to myself that I am capable when clearly, I’m not? I love to blog, but lately, I felt if I had time to blog…I should be done my assignments. But blogging, I realize, is like my own public diary. I have a chance to think and write. I don’t have to worry about pleasing people or writing for a reason but for me.

This is for me. This post is about my feelings. My life with my family couldn’t be better because we are MOVING. Because my daughter is happy and healthy. Because my man is happy and “healthy”. You know men hate to go to the doctor and be checked on. But my only stress, my only worry is SCHOOL.

Do I go back to business administration? Do I decide to do Liberal Arts because I enjoy all those courses? I genuinely loved making my bath bombs, sugar scrubs, and body butter. I miss it a lot. I love to do crafts. I’m not sure what my next move or goal is. How does someone figure out what to do? I never had a thought in high or middle school of what my career would or could be.

Am I a failure if I stop going to school? Am I a loser for not having my mind made up? Will my daughter have the same issues I’m having now? The pressure I feel is ridiculous. I have felt this sad or depressed in months. Probably since I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, I have felt this insecure in a while. How did you know what you wanted to do? How did you figure out your life? I would like to be able to blog, live life, and not have to work or anything. But I am very lazy so I think that doesn’t count, lol.

Let me know what you think!

The Kali Mom

XOXO

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