Toddler-Free; JK She’s Just Sleep

My kid is sleep!!

Do you ever go to sleep before your kid does because you’re too tired? Usually that is her dad, sometimes me if I’m real exhausted. I can go into the room and she can be jumping on him, the bed, screaming, laughing, and talking to him and he’s sleep. I can’t even do what he does. I’m getting jealous typing this out.

It is currently Tuesday morning. I’m about to go to bed. But holy crap, like it took me 3 hours to get this girl to sleep. I unfortunately had to let her take two naps during Monday because she was sick. I kept her from daycare and she is so much better now.

This was us on Saturday/Sunday and she wasn’t happy:

It really isn’t a day off when you have a sick toddler. This is real first time having Alaina be so attached to me during the past few days. Tomorrow, I won’t exist anymore. Mom who?

My Weekend:

Yesterday morning, I woke up thinking, “Alright! This girl is going bye bye so momma can rest and *do* homework!” I wake her up and I get the you-got-me-effed-up-if-you-think-I’m-waking-up-for-you.

I forgot to mention that I started my period and I’m way unprepared for this. I like to chill at home, do nothing, sit at home, procrastinate, and do nothing.

I eventually took a nap with her, lol, I couldn’t avoid it. But I messed up her schedule. I’m sure the extra sleep helped with whatever cold she had.

Besides the cost, daycare only really sucks because your kids get sick more than normal. At the same time, it helps her immune system but nobody has time for unplanned days off.

But finally, my mini me is sleeping peacefully.

Once we move, she will have her own bed & room to sleep in 😅🙃. But I’m sure she will still join us and take up most of our space in bed [king size but it doesnt matter].

How do you deal with your kids being sick? Do you have a regimen or system in place? Are your children older or toddler/elementary age? What’s something that always works for you as a remedy or medication? I’m willing to learn & know more 🤯🤣🙂.

Be Blessed!

PS this is my first photo after turning 27. #teamleo

The Kali Mom

XOXO

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I Think I Hate College

How did you know what you wanted to do? I am literally giving myself a headache because I just can’t figure out what I’d like to do. I feel lost and I feel stupid. I think I hate college.

Week after week, I am trying to pursue these courses and finish my assignments, but I can’t do it. My other classes were fine, but my first coding/programming class is ridiculous. Everyone [for real, aside for me LOL] has the experience that I am still trying to grasp. I feel like being in college just isn’t for me.

When I consider my life, my future, my career, and my education…I want to set an example for my daughter. I want to prove to myself that I can do something. But how can I prove to myself that I am capable when clearly, I’m not? I love to blog, but lately, I felt if I had time to blog…I should be done my assignments. But blogging, I realize, is like my own public diary. I have a chance to think and write. I don’t have to worry about pleasing people or writing for a reason but for me.

This is for me. This post is about my feelings. My life with my family couldn’t be better because we are MOVING. Because my daughter is happy and healthy. Because my man is happy and “healthy”. You know men hate to go to the doctor and be checked on. But my only stress, my only worry is SCHOOL.

Do I go back to business administration? Do I decide to do Liberal Arts because I enjoy all those courses? I genuinely loved making my bath bombs, sugar scrubs, and body butter. I miss it a lot. I love to do crafts. I’m not sure what my next move or goal is. How does someone figure out what to do? I never had a thought in high or middle school of what my career would or could be.

Am I a failure if I stop going to school? Am I a loser for not having my mind made up? Will my daughter have the same issues I’m having now? The pressure I feel is ridiculous. I have felt this sad or depressed in months. Probably since I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, I have felt this insecure in a while. How did you know what you wanted to do? How did you figure out your life? I would like to be able to blog, live life, and not have to work or anything. But I am very lazy so I think that doesn’t count, lol.

Let me know what you think!

The Kali Mom

XOXO

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The Real Freakin’ Deal

I used to believe by seeing all these different blogs that I could find someone to relate to with my struggles and lifestyle. So far, everyone is either wealthy or money has never been an issue like it has for me. Most bloggers are these amazing stay at home moms/dads that got college degrees and had a very privileged upbringing. Now, I could be wrong about those bloggers but this is how I viewed “bloggers”, in a sense.

I’m a multi-racial woman who grew up without a father, a multiple job working mother, a disabled older sibling, and I’ve been threw abuse, sexual assault, homelessness, and more recently, parenthood. I didn’t have a great life growing up. I didn’t have amazing opportunities and long term friendships with kids. I didn’t think of what I am going to college for and what I would like to be when I get older. I just didn’t care for life and what my career path would be.

I wanted to find a blog that would show me that there is someone similar to me on the web. A person of color. A entry-level qualified person. A mother who suffers through postpartum depression, obesity, and sometimes her relationship. Of course, I don’t hope that anyone is dealing with the issues I have. I don’t need folks just as messed up as I am, lol. But I want to provide an outlet for myself and tell others who may not know that I am this kind of being.

I am a fun, corny, say “sorry” too much, cautious person. I also curse a lot, I smoke cigarettes, eat not enough or too much, and I bite my nails. I prefer to wear Uggs, sweat pants, and a big ole t-shirt without a bra. I want to sit in the house and be loud and run around with my 19 month old baby girl, Alaina. I want to finish school, find a good job that puts more than just food on the table and roof over our heads. I want to be able to do things and go places. I don’t want to be secluded to a very boring life.

I just want to remove myself and my family from the hood along with the hood tendencies. Just kidding, I don’t have those but this is pretty much the hood if you’re from Trenton, NJ. I want to share my struggles of parenting, depression, trying to lose weight (when I start trying, I’ll let cha know), and working. Who knows, maybe this blog can be so successful, I don’t need a 9-5 job but until then…2 part-time jobs, full-time online school, and 2 kids (my daughter and boyfriend) are my jobs. So welcome to the not so typical blog of a 26 year old chick that doesn’t have any of her shit together. This will be a wild ride indeed.

I’m The Kali Mom.

me

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I don’t love myself.

Before I gloat and rampage on, I have to show some love to some awesome guys for a late Father’s Day celebration. ☺☺

Thank you Khris for being the dad I wished I had my whole life and I’ve taken that for granted. I love you dearly and you’re a pretty awesome person. I appreciate you more than you can ever know because I have a man like you to look up to. I love that you are my moms husband and forever partner. Stay fresh, Khrissy 😁.

Thank you Craig for being an amazing father to Alaina. I wasn’t ever able experience a father growing up until I hit about age 12. I got to see my stepdad be great to my little brother. And now as a parent, I get to see it again for me daughter this time. Thank you for never letting me doubt your abilities as a partner and father. I love you. 😘

Soooo…When you’re fat, losing weight just feels impossible. When you aren’t living positively, you don’t think positively. When you are just lazy and miserable, you don’t look at yourself the same as anyone else does. But I want to change that. I want to change my way of thinking. I want to believe in myself. I want to be more positive.

I have gotten so comfortable with calling myself fat because that is all that I even see just looking in the mirror. Since I was pregnant and post pregnancy, I just didn’t give a crap. I’m a mom, right? I can live a little. But now I am just exhausted, no energy, no patience, and no motivation.

What really irritates me is that people, who are much smaller than me, try to be cute and say, “No you are not fat girl! I know people bigger than you!” Until now I didn’t think about it, but if Jenny is bigger than me that makes her fat, but what if Stacy is bigger than Jenny? Does that only make Stacy fat? No! We are all freaking fat. I get that you don’t feel comfortable with someone calling themselves fat but at the same time…are they not? Don’t we need honesty or wake up call? Don’t sugar coat it for me, clearly, I have had enough of that in my life for 5 people.

I don’t say it because I am so proud and happy with myself for being large. It is just to get attention or to say out loud like, “Wow, I’m a couch.” Lol, okay that is over the top. But to me, I like calling myself fat. I like being able to insult myself. No one else is going to tell me what is really wrong with me. No one is going to knock some sense into me because I don’t listen to other people’s insults. I know it isn’t healthy or good for me, but that is how I’ve thought of myself for years. Now I want that to change.

I know that every step I take to a healthier lifestyle starts with decisions about food and drinks. Lately, I have gotten better with drinking more water, even though I have to pee like 20 times in a few hours while at work. I try to make sure that I can walk in the morning to the bus stop or train station so I can get a little exercise. And yesterday, during my lunch, I went for a walk around the area of my job and it was 1.06 miles. My sciatica and tendinitis started irritating me, but I had no choice because I was away from my job. That is a lot for me. It is baby steps but goodness they feel larger and larger every day.

I still make excuses for not being able to do things because of my health conditions. I keep settling for less because I am ultimately lazy. I have so much time on my hands for working out, getting my homework done, and spending time with my family, but I let social media take over my life. I am typing out this blog post because my goal is to improve myself.

I don’t mean just the unhealthy things like trying to give up cigarettes, trying to work out and eat right. I mean I want to give my man and my child more me time without involving my phone or being a vegetable on the couch. I can’t say how many times I couldn’t do something because I was too tired, but I wasn’t too tired to entertain someone else online. I wasn’t too tired to watch some of my favorite shows on TV or Netflix. I wasn’t too tired to play the game. Granted that energy output may not be the same as playing with a toddler, but I want to say it is.

P.S. It is 4 AM and I’m partially awake. Yesterday, I went outside for about 5 to 7 minutes to make a call during my lunch [3:53pm for maybe 5-7 minutes]. I go back to my desk and get ready to clock in. I felt immediate exhaustion and dizziness. This is pretty much the same thing that happened last week for being outside for 40 mins. Now I am noticing that the hotter it is, the less time I have to be out there. Shade, umbrellas, sunscreen, and medication don’t really matter. It’s odd I know. But I ended up getting an emergency appointment instead of going to the hospital. I got 3 shots [still hurt even 10 hours later] and one of them was benadryl. I’m kind of okay but at this point I have to be taken to work 3 hours early. Thanks to my awesome boyfriend for doing it because its pain stakeningly out of the way. My doctor wants me to avoid being outside at all costs unless it is in a car. The deal was if I have to take a bus, take the day off and use a doctors note. If I got a ride, don’t use the note and go to work. It sucks to give up a day off when you feel you really need it but I need a full check no matter what.

Side note: Have you ladies ever considered using reusable pads? I have always dealt with irregular periods. After the birth of Alaina, I still deal with an irregular, almost nonexistent cycle. But when I do have a cycle, it is about 4 to 7 weeks. Using the disposable pads and tampons can not only get pricey but frustrating on your skin. It did for mine. So I spent $20 to get these reusable pads in a variety of sizes. You wash them, hang ’em to dry and they feel amazing. Save yourself money, save the landfills, and save your skin.

I want to adjust my way of living to be more positive and family oriented. I want to work smarter, not harder. I want to use my time wisely because it isn’t unlimited. I know I will struggle because I have developed a habit.

Do you have any tips about being more positive? Do you feel like you spend too much time on your devices? What motivates you to keep eating right? What did you do to start working out? Do you have any odd/rare medical conditions?

Be Blessed! XOXO

I used my EpiPen for the first time.

I’ve mentioned before that I have an allergy to sunlight. It’s called Solar Urticaria.

Because if this condition, I ended up using my EpiPen and calling 911 for the first time.

Last Monday, I did some overtime for work early in the day. As soon as I get off work, I hall booty to the bus stop, only for the bus to early have been early or 30 minutes late. I’m under trees/shade for about 25 of those minutes. 93 degrees I believe that was the high🙄.

Anyone who has had a bad allergic reaction usually feels tired, sore, dizzy, and nauseous along with some other symptoms. I felt like this for days.

Just back up a moment…my primary doctor has me on levothyroxine, vitamin D, and zyrtec. My allergist gives me singulair and an EpiPen. Almost 2-3 weeks into adding singulair to my daily pill consumption, my skin reactions aren’t as severe. But the anaphylaxis has gotten worse. So much so that I would rather deal with the physical pain of hives and burning, than being dizzy, scared, and gasping for air.

The next day I’m feeling nauseous and my anxiety is probably making my other symptoms feel worse than normal. I didn’t go to work, I went to my allergist to explain my symptoms. I was given an inhaler along with zantac, which is a good h2 antihistamine supresser??…I don’t even know…but it helps with my allergy and acid reflux. I’m told to go home, stay inside, avoid the heat and sun…

Wednesday I didn’t feel much better at all and my anxiety was through the roof. I get some blood work done that morning before work for my allergist to test for food allergies and IgE. The P.A. thinks Xolair, which treats severe allergic reactions like CIU, would help me. I went to work still only for my symptoms to get worse. I always avoided using my epipens because I was afraid of the side effects and stabbing myself. I really had no doubt in my mind that I needed it. I called 911 right after. I’m trying not to cry on the phone because my body is reacting to the epinephrine. My anxiety was like we are just gonna go full crazy mode.

I go home that night after my ER visit, being told I am doing well. I just need to avoid heat and sunlight again, as if I have a choice. I mean good effort Capital Health, I know you can’t do much about what you don’t know.

I felt more scared being in the hospital last week, then going when I was in labor. They knew my condition, I was having a baby. They have a whole department for before and after the baby. But my allergy isn’t well known and even my EpiPen could have made it worse.

I skipped 2 or 3 hours of how my body would normally, unmedicated, have reacted to the sun. Usually in 5-15 minutes I have feeling itchy, swollen, red skin. After coming inside, you see the hives form but if I am still outside, add an addition 20 minutes and you’ll see. If I am physically active [rare cause I’m lazy] or in direct sunlight, I have a total hour to an hour and a half before my reaction gets critical.

So my body skipped the hives and jumped to the hour and a half to two hour marker of if I was outside. That is severe part of reaction, the I should have used my EpiPen already stage. I had no time to react and no time to think.

Its Monday today and I am scared. By just being hot, even though I am inside, my breathing gets worse and I feel light headed. By going outside to the corner store, I’m afraid it will be my last trip anywhere. I try my best to be silly and deal with the cards on my table but it really sucks. I’m used to not being included in things that would involve me being outside. Can I stop feeling in fear of going to work, the store, or just visitinging family? This is enough. I’m hoping to look up different doctors or specialists to help me with a cure, medication, or some idea as to how this even started 14 years ago.

I also will do my darnedest to quit smoking, drinking more water, and eating right to take this pressure off my body. I know the symptoms don’t help with me being overweight.

Can anyone recommend a Facebook group or Blog/Vlog to do at home modified routines and meal prep/training? Please drop them in the comments or email me: thekalimom@gmail.com.

Much love 💜.

Vlogging is no joke!

I have recorded 2 vlogs!

2 Vlogs!!

It is seriously stressful. I want to look at myself rather than the camera lens. I want to look at everything else but the camera.

My goal is to be entirely ME. This means no make up, no cute outfits, no awesome hair dos, and no pretty back drops. I think the back drop may change because I would want to be creative. But I do not want to put on a front for the world. When I walk out the house, I’m comfortable.

I don’t have a sense of style or the money to afford it. Especially not having a large income along with a toddler…your money goes to replacing clothes every few months. 😏

I found out my 2nd recording looks way better than the 1st because I used the rear facing camera on my Galaxy S9+. Rear facing also makes it easier to focus on the lens and not the image of yourself since it is turned around.

As I stated before, I want to provide relatable content. I don’t want to sugar coat anything. I hope I can gain more viewers for not only successful reasons but for some constructive criticism.

Lowkey, I’m so afraid of sharing my videos on my personal Facebook page. Which is odd because just about anyone and everyone can go view it on their own on YouTube. But I’ll post the link to this blog so my friends and family can read it and click the link. I just don’t want people to feel sorry for me or my family or just lack open mindedness. But I feel that everyone is entitled to their opinions. Doesn’t me I’ll like it 😂.

My Youtube channel name is The Kali Mom, here’s the link to my most recent post: https://youtu.be/bSooUo5LzpI.


I hope you all subscribe, like, comment, or just view it. I’m grateful for anything because it’s only the beginning. 💗

Vlog or Blog?

I’ve considered starting a vlog. I have a YouTube channel with no videos, yet. Have you felt you want to blog or vlog or even do both?

I have so much emotion, stress, and struggles that I experience along with my partner. And as I have posted before, I have rarely related to a blog when it came to someone in my situations.

I don’t have wonderful looks, make up hacks, great style, or a large sum of money. I do believe that this is apart of our struggle and eventually life will get better as we work harder from learning from our errors.

Our habits, when it comes down to money and investing, are horrible. I mean the most money I’ve had was when we claimed our daughter on our taxes. I mean who doesn’t look forward to that extra income but that is the only large sum of money I’ve see. We never get a chance to use it towards ourselves because it went to the bills and our used car.

I’m sure many can relate to some of these issues.

I have been recently doing my best to make doctors appointments about my back pain, my allergic reaction to sunlight, and soon I’ll be able to dive more into my way of losing weight.

I feel that these issues would be better tackled in a vlog.

I want to put myself out there to not only put pressure on myself to do better for me but also my family. I also want to view the differences I will physically see in my appearance and demeanor.

When your life is paycheck to paycheck and you are living with your spouse and toddler, how do you start? What camera do you use? What program is used for editing? How much time does it take to edit? Can this be apart of my career path along with what I am attending college for?

We are going to move soon into our own apartment. I’m hoping as we grasp onto another change of space and scenery, that I can utilize the space to start a vlog. I still would like to purchase my domain to have a real looking blog. But I am rather glad I still started this in the first place because it just would have been another thing I procrastinated on.

When I start my vlog, I will likely post a blog to follow up on it.

If you’d like to see more up to date information on day to day situations; follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat: TheKaliMom!

Happy Mother’s Day

Today is a special day!

It is Mother’s Day! Moms are the hardest workers I know of.

As mothers, some of us, if not most of us, are battling mental illnesses, regular exhaustion, other medical problems, jobs, school, relationships, and more than one child. It isn’t easy to get up every day even when you don’t want to. It’s not fun when you and your partner are equally busy and tired. It isn’t a walk in the park when you can’t go out, can’t spend money on yourself, can’t lay up with your spouse or even engage in sex. And not because the kid(s) are interrupting but because you guys are just so freaking tired.

Sometimes when you even have the time or money, you don’t have a sitter or you are too tired to go out. Sometimes learning the techniques on your own or with your spouse is stressful. And those moments lead to the ultimate test of strength and love within one another. Sometimes getting advice from others when you aren’t willing to accept it can be frustrating. Sometimes people judging you based on your parenting methods can be down right degrading.

Regardless of how messy your home is, how chaotic your life is going, and how much time you don’t get to yourself…remember that you are doing the most wonderful best job in the world. No one can do what you do better than you for your kids. No one compares to you when it comes to your own flesh and blood.

Keep up the amazing effort and work. Always remember that when other parents, old and new, give you advice, they are only there to help. They have been frustrated and stressed out just like you have felt or are feeling. Don’t hesitate to ask for help or a night free.

Super heroes need days off, too!

I love my mommy and my mommy in law, I wish you both a happy mothers day! Without you both, I couldn’t be a mother myself.

This is my first Mother’s Day gift from Alaina that her daycare helped with. 💗

My daughter, my mommy, and my brother being so silly. This was from the other week. She has so much going on and still has done her best to make time for us. She has handled being an amazing mommy even when life has gotten heavy and crazy. She’s been supportive of my parenting and has helped me acknowledge a different parent of myself not that I am a mom. Thank you mommy, i love you so much. 💙

My mommy in law has done so much for us and especially me when it has come to advice, taking us in, taking care of us, and doing what’s ultimately best for our well being. I love you dearly. 💜

Vampire? I might be…

A lot of people know and most dont believe me at all. But I have an allergy to sunlight.

No, I’m sure your uncle or aunt don’t have the same condition I have.

Literally, I’ll say what my condition is, Solar Urticaria, and someone says yep I got that or know someone who does. I happen to see that person and they are out at the beach and on vacations with their families while I’m home protected from the rays.

As a person, you always want to do what you are told not to do. It’s just nature. And as a person, you want to go outside after dealing with winter and other hectic elements.

As a mother, you want to take your child for a walk or play outside, but after 20-30 minutes in direct light…its not fun. On hotter days, my reactions occur sooner and last longer.

The skin that is most vulnerable like my arms, chest, and cheeks start to turn red, feel hot to the touch, and soon gives appear if I press my luck with time outside.

I was about 13 years old when I went swimming with my sister. My back was bumpy and red after 6 hours of being in the water so she told me to shower. Not thinking, I took a hot shower with my back already hot with hives.

I opened the bathroom door to come out and a burst of cold air hit me from the AC and I passed out. That was my first experience with this condition.

I didn’t find out what it really was until my sophomore or junior year of high school. May I mention I was playing softball for school for all those years dealing with the symptoms and side effects.

My allergist didnt even know what it was until I did my own research. I gave him photographs of my reactions, how long I was outside, the temperature, and time of day.

This was from a few days ago being outside for 45 minutes. I wasnt in continuous sunlight but for more than 15 mins towards the end of the 45. A few hours later, looks like nothing happened.

I’m pushing on 27, and still dont have a medication or treatment for it.

I’ve tried different stronger SPFs, umbrellas, layered clothes, tents and hats. Never works because the longer I stay outside the sun just eventually goes through it.

I wonder how many others suffer because you need to walk or ride to the store, go to work, school, or just visit a friend but you can’t escape the sun. Even on cloudy days, I have a reaction. It’s just a blanket on top of a flashlight. You leave the light on long enough, you’ll feel the heat come through soon.

Life like this makes it unenjoyable mostly. I want to go to vacations, cruises, beaches, parks, or even walk the city. I even have issues with breathing and loss of consciousness if I stay out too long.

So, anyone that claims, “I got that, too!” or “I know someone who has it!”, please go to the doctor. Find out for yourself and me. Because the more that people do report it, the more work that could be done for the sufferers.

Beware…

This is the same day as the picture above, my face is swollen, hot, sweaty, my blood pressure was rising, & cracking a smile was impossible.

Clearly I had sunglasses on…lol.

Be blessed xoxo

God, are you real? Can you hear me?

I’m not against religion. I’ve always been really curious about it.

Most of my life, I was raised by my single mom who didn’t have much help or influence from her families on religion. The Hispanic side of my family has rumors floating around about abuse, drugs, alcoholism, and even some rape/murder allegations. These people are the same folks that will praise Jesus and drip their homes in crucifixes.

I want something more to believe in and to look forward to in my life. I always struggle with myself, my thoughts. I sometimes don’t want to live. I sometimes don’t want to get out of bed. Sometimes I just don’t want to open my eyes.

I don’t have guidance and I’m afraid to ask questions because I don’t want to sound ignorant. I don’t want to feel judged or silly for asking how do you pray? What do you pray for? Why do you choose to be a Catholic over a Christian? Aren’t the Gods the same along with the Bible? Where can I get a Bible? How can I understand what it is telling me? How can I give myself to God if I’ve already sinned and possibly will again?

The only religion I heard of growing up was being Catholic because of being Puerto Rican. My boyfriend’s family is involved in a local Baptist church. I want to understand the differences and if it is okay to choose a side.

I want to know from others, no matter what religion they believe in or are apart of but what helps them believe? What influences you? Do you routinely go to church or pray?

I want to believe but I don’t know how. I want to read into a faith to be apart of something bigger than myself. I want someone to just educate me and be open to me because I might be ignorant but I am willing to learn.

I just want to know if God is real, and can he hear me? Does he know that I want to be apart of him and love him? Does he have faith in me?

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